You’d think with all that mating that goes on around them, the folks at the Bronx Zoo would know a thing or two about male/female attraction. Well, maybe not. Their idea of a good valentine’s gift? A piece of dark chocolate shaped like a cockroach. OK, so it’s kind of a stunt to raise money for Wildlife Conservation Society (the zoo’s owner) projects around the world, but still. (Actually, if you want to get really romantic, the zoo is also letting you name one of 58,000 Madagascar hissing roaches after someone you care about.)

Just in case “bugging out” isn’t your idea of a perfect Valentine’s Day, here are some New York chocolate shops (and a chocolate tour) that might make your paramour tingly for a whole different reason …

Martine’s Chocolates
Perfect for: The Impresario
Why: Who stands a chance against your charms when you tell them that the beautiful bonbons you just gave them are made from Belgian Callebaut couverture chocolate?

Jacques Torres Chocolate
Perfect for: The Artiste
Why: Your aesthetic sense will be in evidence when you give the gift of a chocolate “Love Plaque” or heart-shaped chocolate boxes filled with chocolate-covered cheerios—both looking too good to eat. But eat them you will.

Vosges
Perfect for: The Libertine
Why: Their “Game of Chocolate Masquerade” box has carnival-style masks carved out of chocolate along with a guided chocolate tasting, aphrodisiacal recipes, pearl dust for making champagne elixirs and a tickling feather. Need we say more?

Mariebelle
Perfect for: The Traditionalist
Why: Exquisite chocolate bars get a retro wrapping at this Soho sweet spot. Choose from “Moon River Dark,” “Passion Dark,” or “Seduction Milk,” as part of their pinup series, each featuring a vintage colorized print of of the romantic days of yore.

New York Chocolate Tours
Perfect for: The Wanderer
Why: Three different tours will take you throughout various neighborhoods in New York and let you call in at the city’s top chocolatiers. We particularly like the “New Cuisine” tour that brings the taste of “new wave” chocolates to your tongue.

Photo courtesy Booker and Dax

The website for the newly unleashed Booker and Dax cocktail bar and snackery says that their “approach to rethinking cocktails is considered, deliberate, and precision-oriented.” That’s really good. Especially the “precision-oriented” part. Especially since some of the drinks require the bartenders to insert a rod that can reach temps of up to 1500 degrees into their potions.

But that’s just another night at work for the drink slingers at Booker and Dax.

The chilled out space in which they make like mad scientists is located in the back of David Chang’s Momofuko Ssam Bar (where the Milk Bar used to be). The name of the bar is taken from Mr. Chang’s partner in this venture: the famed cuisine conjurer and director of culinary technology for the French Culinary Institute, Dave Arnold. About his wild concoctions, Arnold told the New York Times: ““I want you to feel happy to be here. I don’t want you to feel like a lab rat we’re testing on.”

Happiness is pretty much guaranteed as you watch the bartenders-cum-chemists chilling glasses with shots of liquid nitrogen, clarifying (removing the solids from) juice in a centrifuge, or carbonating beverages on the spot. And while that’s all entertaining enough, the real joy comes from tasting the fine cocktails all this wizardry produces. Even though there’s a lot of modern-day showmanship going on, it’s never at the cost of the drinks; they remain strong and well-balanced and, oddly enough, taste just the way classic cocktails used to.

Oh yeah, there’s Momofuku-styled snacks too …

Booker and Dax; 207 Second Ave at 13th St (entrance on 13th St); 212.254.3500

Photo courtesy nuchas.com

If you’re like a lot of guys throwing a Super Bowl party, your idea of catering the event will likely consist of heading to the 7-11 for a bag of Tostitos and some canned “cheese” spread about an hour before kick-off. But this year, why not up your game and get something people actually want to eat (we do have a team in this thing after all).

Enter Nuchas. No not nachos. Nuchas. They’re a Times-Square-based outfit that makes super-yummy empanadas that are certainly the right fit for a super sports event (they actually fit great in one hand, so you won’t even have to put down your beer while chowing).

You can get the flaky pastry pockets in a variety of flavours including: short rib (beef braised in red wine with onions peppers, potatoes & fresh herbs); spicy chicken (chipotle, tomatoes, onions, peppers and fresh basil in paprika dough); or pulled pork (rosemary dough filled with pork that’s been cooked with white wine and oranges). For those who prefer their carnage on the gridiron instead of on their plates, there are two veggie empenadas to choose from: spinach dough filled with portabello mushrooms, spinach, mozzarella and fresh herbs, or white Parmesan dough stuffed with assorted cheese and caramelized onions.

And you know what the best part is? They’re starting a delivery service just in time for the big game! Just call in your order by noon on the 5th and you’ll have plenty of dough to keep you going through the day–even if you lose a bunch of it on that football pool at the office.

Nuchas; Broadway Plaza between 44th & 45th St.; 646.477.8274; www.nuchas.com

Original invite to the tunnel's opening. Courtesy brooklynrail.net.

In 1861, a shady NYC contractor known as Electus Litchfield was hired by the city to close up a 17-foot-high, 21-foot-wide, 1,611-foot long tunnel running under Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn. The tunnel had been the home to the first-ever underground railway constructed in the world. It had been built by the Long Island Railroad in 1844 as an attempt to alleviate the deaths that were occurring on the streets above, as the train that ran there took about 8 blocks to stop—not the best way to protect the life of a pedestrian who might have stumbled onto the tracks. The tunnel was built entirely with hand tools, took seven months to complete and cost $66,000—a grand sum in those days, but not really for the tunnel’s backer, Cornelius Vanderbilt.

But it is to our advantage that Litchfield was not the most ethical of men, because he only filled in each end of the tunnel, rather than the whole thing (saving himself a good deal of cash).

Fast forward to 1981, when a young engineering student’s search through old moldy papers led him to surmise that the long-forgotten railway tunnel did in fact exist (rumors had circulated for years—including those involving German spies, vampires and John Wilkes Booth’s lost journal, but that’s fodder for another post). He eventually convinced the city to allow him to open a manhole over on Atlantic Avenue and, after clawing through some dirt with his bare hands, then smashing through a shoddily constructed brick wall, the young man—Bob Diamond—found what he had been looking for.

For nearly 30 years, Diamond led tours through the tunnel, regaling visitors with tales of politics, murder and corruption. Now, he may have fallen prey to the same treatment from the city (sans the murder part) as the NYC Department of Transportation shut down the tunnel in 2010 (they claim safety issues, Diamond claims otherwise).

Diamond continues to fight the decision though and you can get updates on his website that’ll tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about this hidden part of New York’s past.

BAM (the Brooklyn Academy of Music) is so associated with bringing modern cinema, theater, dance and music into the heart of Fort Greene, that it’s easy to forget that John Wilkes Booth played in Shakespeare’s Richard III here in 1863 or that Mark Twain entertained audiences with his storytelling prowess in 1884.

BAM is, in fact, the nation’s oldest performing arts center and is celebrating its 150th anniversary this year. You can attend part of its 16-month-long birthday party (it’s been in full swing since September) by checking out “From Brooklyn to the World: A History of BAM,” an exhibit broken into to three periods. Until March 30, the collection of rare video, photographs and ephemera focusses on 1864-1967; from April 26 till June 1, the attention turns to 1867-1983; and from June 8 till August 31, the exhibit will spotlight BAM’s history from 1983 to present day.

Not only will the exhibition focus on the various performances held at BAM, it will reveal the icon’s impact on the community that has always embraced it enthusiastically. For example, you’ll be able to see samples of the stamps the center sold in 1864 to help raise $400,000 for the Union Army. You’ll also get to examine other “crazy swag” (as told to Time Out New York by Sharon Lehner, director of the BAM Hamm Archives) as a Viewmaster created for composer Philip Glass and director Robert Wilson’s Einstein on the Beach as well as “wow, I’m getting old” photographs of such stage and screen luminaries as Meryl Streep and Morgan Freeman—when they were much younger.

It’s a true “behind the curtains” look at one of New York’s most defining performing arts centres—and best of all, it’s FREE!

Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM); 30 Lafayette Ave (between Ashland Pl and St. Felix St) Fort Greene, Brooklyn; 718.636.4100; bam.org

Getting fitter has got to be at the top of the “I’ll Be Better in 2012 List” for many of us. But gyms are crowded, full of people who are already annoyingly fit, have god-knows what growing on the shower floors, and are just way too expensive.

Ah, but hold on a second. We might not be able to Tilex the showers, but we can help you find less crowded places to work out with ordinary folk FOR FREE!

That’s what you get when you participate in Shape Up NYC, an offshoot of the Department of Parks and Recreation BeFitNYC program. The initiative offers 180 free fitness classes at more than 40 recreation centres around the city. There’s everything from chair yoga to kickboxing so you’re sure to find something to suit your fitness level and interests.

If you can’t find something on their website that motivates you to overcome the gravity of your couch, you can check out the Facebook Page of BeFitNYC where ordinary people organize fitness outings like boot camps, runs, “indoor hikes,” and Zumba classes.

Still not feeling a yearn to burn off all those holiday calories? How about this: BeFitNYC offers you free admission to any of their recreation centers on the first Monday of every month–and even you can work out at least one day a month. Right?

So … what’s your excuse now?

Photo Courtesy Harley's Smokeshack

It looks like New York’s hot love affair with barbecue is due to get even smokier in 2012 with a redesign of a Williamsburg favorite and the launch of two new places into which you can sink those sharp canine teeth of yours …

You might not be able to put lipstick on a pig, but you can certainly do a nice makeover on a place that serves a lot of pig. That’s exactly what’s happening at Fatty ‘Cue in Williamsburg. The cousin ‘cue joint of Fatty ‘Cue in the West Village shuttered itself on January 3 in order to redo the front bar space in the same way they’ve spiffed up the back area. The owners promise not only a new look, but new menu items and cocktails as well, and predict a reopening in mid-March.

While you work up your appetite for that, there are two new BBQ restaurants to put some sizzle in these cold January nights: Blue Smoke and Harleys’s Smokeshack & BBQ.

Blue Smoke in Battery Park City is the second outlet of the restaurant (its other half can be found at 116 E 27th Street), and promises to keep dishing up barbecue that spans styles found from Missouri to Memphis. The main spotlight is on their “real pit barbecue”: meats smoked “low and slow” over hickory and apple woods. This being New York, they get a little fancy too with starters like barbecued muscles and toasted pork ravioli with smoked tomato sauce.

Harley’s makes their meat sing in a Jumbo Southern Pride Smoker that turns out turkey, brisket, pork and other victuals for carnivores as easily as a well-seasoned cast-iron skillet turns out cornbread. We’re particularly excited to try the BBQ Frito Pie: Fritos topped with chopped beef, pulled pork (or roast turkey), cheddar, slaw, grilled jalapenos and sour cream. It’s a dish that just might keep you full till mid-March!

Fatty ‘Cue; 91 South 6th Street (bet. Bedford & Berry); Brooklyn; 718.599.3090;  www.fattycue.com/home
Blue Smoke Battery Park City; 255 Vesey St.; 212.889.2005; bluesmoke.com
Harley’s Smokeshack and Barbecue; 355 East 116 St; 212.828.6723; www.harleyssmokeshack.org

They’re a site on winter New York Streets as common as those black snow mounds that seem to last until August: Salvation Army Santas. The money raised by those tireless red-suited bell ringers helps assist four-and-a-half million people each year during the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays. And they’ve been ringing those bells for a long time.

It was in 1891, faced with the daunting task of feeding the 1000 people he’d promised meals to, that Salvation Army Captain Joseph McFee came up with the idea of putting out a large kettle with the words “Keep The Pot Boiling” on it in order to raise funds. He said that he got the idea from something known as a Simpson’s Pot that he had first seen in Liverpool, England which also collected money to help the needy.

When the idea of the collection kettles was combined with that of dressing up unemployed men in Santa Suits to man them, a true fundraising success story was born. Just a decade later, in 1901, enough money was collected in New York City to host a gigantic sit-down dinner for the poor at Madison Square Garden.

If you haven’t yet had a chance to drop a coin or two into one of the red kettles, you can still make Santa happy by donating online through the Salvation Army’s Online Red Kettle Program–or even starting a kettle of your own!

Well, unless you’re a champion procrastinator, by now you’re a champion of another sort: you’re someone who’s completed the Holiday Olympics. Your feet have been put to the test combing the city for unique gifts. Your body has endured dramatic temperature changes as you’ve gone from chilly streets into steamy stores. Your brain has been put to the test calculating discounts (and trying to remember if you saw a better price online). So, like all other serious athletes, why not treat yourself to a massage at the end of such a serious physical event?

The holiday specials at Metamorphosis Day Spa should be just the thing to release your inner Scrooge and replace it with true peace on earth. If your face is starting to look a little too much like the Grinch, try the Berry Merry Facial ($150), that will have you glowing like angel with a berry peel and cranberry and pomegranate super hydrating mask. Or, if you just need to wash away the memories of those lines at the Macy’s registers, why not indulge in the Berry Merry Body Exfoliation and Hyrdating Body Treatment ($65)? It includes a full brown-sugar-and-cranberry body scrub followed by a complete rub down with a cranberry and pomegranate butter blend.

Talk about visions of sugar plums!

Metamorphosis Day Spa; 127 E. 56th St., 5th Floor; 212.751.6051; metspa.com

Got an old coat lying around that you haven’t worn in awhile? With approximately 18 percent of New York City families living in poverty, there’s definitely someone out there who could use it.

Despite starting their annual coat drive two-weeks early this year, New York Cares is still coming up short in its quest to gather and distribute 100 coats to low-income men, women and children in the city. If you have a coat you don’t need, just drop it in one of the collection sites listed here. If you feel like an especially good elf, why not do a quick mini-drive in your building, your neighborhood, your kid’s school or your workplace? Or just send out a “coat call” on your Facebook page!

Once you’ve gathered a few coats together, you can drop them off at the New York Cares Coat Drive warehouse at 157 W 31st Street, from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mon-Fri. Or you can mail them to: The New York Cares Coat Drive; 157 W 31^st Street; Basement 2; New York, NY 10001.

If you don’t have time to go a-coat-collecting, or if you don’t live in the city, you can offer your financial support to provide a varying amount of coats by visiting the New York Cares donation page here.

Either way, you’ll get a warm glow knowing that you’ll be helping someone stay truly warm this Christmas and throughout the cold winter months to follow.